Ending in solitude

Existing .. could anyone define it ? i never thought that it would spiral down to questioning why my two feet are on the surface of earth . purpose ? wouldnt cut it , loved ones ? arent in my space of suffering . i got to be scentesed by deppression it caught me for years 2013–2016 and since march 2017– sep 2019 i got out of it, i could take a deep breath ,taste food, have energy and feel alive not just dragging a body around. i know i caused unintentionally hurt, i just felt the moment that i was feeling less pain i was faced with mountains of pain that would drag me back to the begininning of depression and i just didn't have any muscle for it i was streched out …. too streched out